It is mid-December and the last 10 months hardly feel real. The diagnosis, the surgery, the radiation... those are behind me but the worry remains. I have asked women who walked a similar path when the fear leaves and life is allowed its full potential and each and every one has told me that the fear never leaves and it becomes a part of life. Most said that they think of their cancer at least once a day, if not more often. One said that it becomes that child that never left home, but is usually out with his friends and you just wait for the call to come and pick him up at some out of the way, hard to find place.
I remember clearly the stress that cancer had on my dear family and friends. My husband, always kind and solicitous before, now rarely leaves my side and usually calls me at work, just to check in. My children start every new conversation with "how are you, Mom?" and they really want to know.
I, too, really want to know how I am. I also want to know who I am, who I've become since cancer invaded my sense of self, my well-being, my confidence. If you know, please tell me.
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Though I wouldn't presume to know who you are, I can tell you a little bit about the person I see. I see a gratious, thankful woman who doesn't take anything for granted. Every kindness is acknowledged, every deed is appreciated. Becoming more thoughtful and insightful is a better way of viewing the world and sharing the world with those around you. And I'm thankful to be one of those people.
ReplyDeleteoops....gracious....
ReplyDeleteBut I'm still glad to be in that world of yours.